Paul Douglas Accuses WCCO of Theft

Paul Douglas, longtime WCCO weatherman and one of the Twin Cities’ most well-liked media personalities, was released from the station On April 4^th as part of nationwide cuts by CBS in response to dwindling ad revenue. Also generating record low viewership, WCCO’s popularity has plummeted to the lowest level in the station’s long lasting history. Just when the station’s public appeal seemed incapable of reaching lower levels, Paul Douglas blandishes the network for theft.

  “They also stole my Hot-Pockets from the staff lounge.”

Secluded, Douglas has yet to speak publicly about his job termination. I had the chance encounter of running into Douglas at Matt’s Bar in South Minneapolis last night. Sharing a pitcher of Premium, the former weatherman spoke candidly to me about this recent unfurl.

“I understand that it was a business maneuver by the network (CBS)…it’s all about numbers; plain and simple. But why would they steal my Hot-Pockets? I mean, how low will they go?”

Douglas, who has held the City Pages’ “Most Well Liked Man” title for five of the last six consecutive years (the accolade was given to the memory of the late Kirby Puckett in 2004), continues to be the bigger person. “I can only hope that the network will donate my Hot-Pockets to any of the the many starving children, right here in Minneapolis.”  

“How can the people at WCCO live with themselves? To fire such a nice man as Paul Douglas is one thing; but to steal his Hot-Pockets–that’s just sad.” Said Mary Godschild, a patron at Matt’s Bar. “I’ll get my weather elsewhere.”

WCCO declined to be interviewed on this recent development, however did supply a comment:  

CBS would like to thank Paul Douglas for 11 devoted years of outstanding meteorological service to the Twin Cities area. On behalf of the network we would just request everyone to watch Survivor on Monday nights at 8pm. Buy Downey Fabric Softener.

Minneapolis Police Chief Sam Scout suspects foul play. “I’ve seen cases like this time and time again. One minute the Hot-Pockets are here, the next, poof–there gone; nobody saw anything.”

“Somebody knows something” Douglas said. “I wrote my name on every single one of those Hot-Pockets; there out there.”